just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
