Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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