y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
