I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
