if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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