im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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