So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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