Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
