Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
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