i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
