If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
