dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
