How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
