I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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