I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I want to fling myself into the sun
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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