:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
