Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
