It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
