I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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