Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
