Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
