she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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