I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
