Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
