You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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