I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
