in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
