You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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