She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
