I will die if light touches me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
