Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
