I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
