So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just invented taco cereal.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
