Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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