RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
