i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
