just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
