jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
