there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
