I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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