I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
