I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
