well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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