dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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