And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
