i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
