we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
