I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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