You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
