Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
