I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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