I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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